Your dream life is at your fingertips. It’s right there. You just have to reach for it. But you don’t. Instead you plan and keep pushing it forward in your life. I’ll do it after my kids graduate. I’ll do it after: you fill in the blank.
There are very good reasons to not pursue your dreams but you have to be real with yourself. The only real reason standing in your way of pursuing it is you.
I know you’re going to tell me that it’s life that keeps getting in the way.
And I get it. Life is always going to happen to us. But we can’t let life live us, we have to live it in order to be in control.
So how do we do that? First we confront what is sabotaging our dream life.
These are the issues that I found that have held me back from achieving my dream life.
When you see the people in the media or the authors on this subject, they seem to have it all together. You might even think I have it together. I can assure you I had no support in my life.
It wasn’t until my mother passed that I truly realized that I had lost myself along the way. I found out that I was living the dream she wanted me to have because she never got to live her dream life. Now I know why I would get so frustrated with her.
Fun fact; I’m a published romance ebook author. Most of the books have been taken down because the small publisher went out of business. But there is one book still out there called Sympathy Dance.
But my mother kind of burst my bubble that maybe, just maybe I’d be able to quit my day job and be an author. It had been a dream of mine for so long. One day in one of our many conversations she asked me if I thought I would actually be able to quit my job. It was a gut punched. I thought at least she would support me. I understood why my boys and husband wouldn’t but my mom? She read romances too.
It was kind of the end of that dream. It lost its luster because I let my mother feed me her insecurities and her disappointment that she didn’t have the courage to live out her dreams.
Really it wasn’t her fault, though. It was my dream to protect. Not hers.
You have to be determined to life your own dream life without any support. It’s not anybody’s job to support you, but you.
Needing Others Approval
When my Mom stated that she didn’t have faith in my dream life, I let it go because I wanted her approval. And let’s be fair, authors need readers approval. So I thought I didn’t have what it takes. The truth of the matter is I didn’t have the guts to persevere with my dream life. It is my responsibility to make that book a best seller. Still I don’t promote the book anymore.
In realizing that I was relying on other’s approval to live my dream life, I took the time to pivot. Hence this blog. I found that I’d rather help others than write a romance novel. And I don’t need anyone’s approval. This is all free to those that need it.
Needing someone else approval isn’t going to take you very far. For one you can’t always please others and expect to be happy. Being a people pleaser is for sure going to kill your dream life because you’ll always be living for someone else instead of yourself.
Afraid of looking selfish
If you want to nurture a dream, you have to be okay with being selfish. Man did I struggle in this area. I’m a mom, a wife, a daughter. My mom had to come first, my kid’s lives were more important than mine, my husband needs me. But in all this needing from others leaves no time to nurture my dream life. Of course our children need us. But eventually they have to be able to stand up for themselves.Fear is what takes us on the next level of our journey. Don't run away from it. Click To Tweet
You married your spouse and again of course you owe him your best self but don’t you need to be happy to give him your best self? In order to do so you need to live your dream life. You are married not his maid or mother, although if you’re like me, you sometimes feel that way.
I found if I gave to my kids, Mom, husband they would take it willingly without telling me that I should come first. I spoiled them and now they expect me to be there for them, to take care of them. I will always be there but have a child with emotional problems taught me that I can’t solve all their life problems. They have to do that.
They are entitled to live out their dream life and so am I.
Your fear owns you
This is another tough one. No one can take away your fear but you. And fear can paralyze you. It has me. I have dreamed about writing this blog for years but I fear what others would think of me. I feared what my family would think of me. And what my coworkers would think of me.
But they aren’t going to give me the courage to get passed my fear.
You are the only one that can get passed your fear because it’s all yours. You hold the key to it. It sucks doesn’t it? But no one has promised us an easy life.
After you’ve conquered your fear, it’ll go away and then a different fear will step in your path. It’s what makes us who we are. It’s what takes us on the next level of our journey.
What will People Think Of Me
Even though this also falls under the fear category, I feel that it’s so big for most of us that it deserves to be addressed separately.
We try and coexist in this world but everyone has an opinion. And for some reason we value their opinions even if we never even met the person.
Social media gives this fear wheels and longevity. It’s sad really. But the truth of the matter is that their opinion is mostly their opinion of themselves. What you do bothers them because they see something lacking in themselves. Kind of like my Mom who made a point of pointing out that my dream life wasn’t going to happen.
The thing is; the criticism no matter who it’s from is going to sting if you let it. But they will have already moved on to something else because they don’t care about you. They care about themselves. And what you’re doing is striking a nerve in what they haven’t done. Or maybe they are afraid you’ll do better than them.
It’s not your job to fulfill their short comings. It’s only your job to make your dream life happen. It’s all in your control. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow but if you keep moving toward it, it’ll be yours for the taking.
If you’re struggling with this and need more help two great podcasts to listen to are Life Coaching School by Brooke Castillo and Rise podcast by Rachel Hollis. Rachel has a fantastic podcast on fear.
I hope this helps you to stop sabotaging your dream life.
If I can help you with anything else, drop a comment below.
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