Get the latest news from Sue McConnell

Why Self Love And Selfishness Are Interlocked

Self Love and Selfishness

Everyone needs to give themselves self care and self love and that you'll need to be selfish.
Make A Point To Give Yourself Love

In order to love yourself, you need to have selfishness

If you struggle with being selfish, you may struggle with putting yourself first.

Especially if you are a people pleaser like me. Selfishness doesn’t run in our blood. We are always running around making sure that everyone but the most important person (meaning you) is taken care of. That everyone else is happy.

Sometimes at the expense of our own happiness.

And when it gets too much and we want to retreat into our own little world, we might get angry.

But it’s our own fault really. We need to be selfish to give to ourselves first.

You know the saying, “Put on your own oxygen mask before you help anyone else.”

Thankfully I haven’t had to experience that but I think I would struggle with it. I don’t let anyone hurt. Especially if it was a child. But I know it’d be the right thing to do.

You Are Your Priority

Friends, if we don’t take care of ourselves, we’ll drown first. Because the people we are helping don’t know that we’re sinking ships. We don’t tell them. Instead we keep it to ourselves because we don’t want them to know.

We’re the ones that are supposed to fix everything, right?


We need to learn practice that selfish bone to give ourselves self-love. And we need to be okay with it. Because frankly if we can’t help ourselves, how are we to be expected to help them. We only have so much gas in our systems.

And sometimes there is nothing we can do.   Running around trying to fix something that we can’t isn’t going to help out anyone.

Sometimes they just have to help themselves.

So how do we learn to put ourselves first and stop trying to please everyone but ourselves?

Shop Now!

First we say no.

It’s hard isn’t it? But we have to do it. Saying no to others can be the hardest thing because you hate to let them down.

If you give to them, you have to say no to something else. You are only one person and we all have 24 hours in a day. You have your dreams too. Live them. Living your dreams will be self love.

By living your dreams you’ll be happier. When you’re happy, everyone’s happy. Right?

It might not feel that way in the moment of saying no, but it will. Trust me.

As women we are always trying to juggle ten different things at one time. I’m sorry, but it can’t be done. One of two or five of those things are going to go to the way side. How do you even choose which ones?

By saying no. If it isn’t necessary, don’t take it on.

Use your judgement as to how important it is.

Now of course if your grandchild is sick and your daughter or son need you for sure you can take care of the child and put your to do list aside for a day. Or if your parent takes ill you’re going to have to be there. I’m not saying to be so selfish that you aren’t there for them. Because if that situation warrants that you need to be there and if you aren’t, you’ll regret it.

You deserve to be able to be selfish to give yourself self love and self care. I have three tips to get you started.
Pin Me!

But if it’s to take on extra work at your job just so your coworker can have more time to waste the day chattering, than no. Don’t do it. If your boss on the other hand says you have to, that’s a different story.

If your adult child ask you for a favor like lending them money for something that just isn’t needed at the moment, than say no. They can learn to wait just like you did, until they can afford it.

At times you’re going to want to fix it for them and help them out, but unless it’s a necessity, I say don’t.

We only have this life and if we can’t enjoy it, we’ve wasted it. Click To Tweet

Second, take time for your own enjoyment.

We only have this life and if we can’t enjoy it, we’ve wasted it. I know life is hard. It’s meant to be hard. It’s all about the journey and growing into you.

It took me a long time to realize that. We are meant to grow. And all the hard stuff that happens to us happens so we can get through it. Then in turn we are to help others get through it.

We all deal with things differently. That means that there are several different ways to help others.

That is why we’re here.


I know this might be the last thing that you want to do. And it takes practice but it’s the best medicine. Writing out your deepest feelings on paper gets it out of your head and on to paper for you to analyze. This is true self love.

Our brains can take something trivial and blow it way out of proportion. So if your adult child is being unreasonable, journal about it. Then read it and analyze it. Is it something you should be concerning yourself with? If not, let it go.

Or if you had a fight with your sibling, coworker or spouse, you can write what upsets you in your journal. And let it go. Get the anger and hurt out of you so you don’t stew in it. That in itself will help you. There is nothing worse than letting a something that was said or done to you eat at your joy.

Every morning I journal in a plain notebook and I start out with soul what do you have to tell me today? This has really helped me. It’s like I’m having an honest conversation with myself. I make a rule of no negativity allowed.

It’s now wallowing in self-pity. Its finding solutions as to what the feelings are and what can be done about them.

So if you need to tell someone no and it’s obvious in your journaling, than you need to tell this person no. It’s not a bad thing to be selfish. If you end up being rebellious about doing something you don’t want to do, then it’s not going to help anyone.

These 3 things will help you in your self love

Try these 3 things. See if they work to give you more happiness. And in the end the other person will figure it out.

And they probably won’t even hold it against you.

Will you try these things to give yourself more self-care by being more selfish? Drop a comment below.

If you liked this blog, you may want to check out these too:

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

© 2011-2020 Sue McConnell

Site Design by Memphis McKay

%d bloggers like this: