What is getting in the way of your dream writing career? Your family? Could it be a time issue? Or is it you?
Chances are it’s you.
Before you curse me out and click out of this blog, I want you to stay with me for a few minutes.
I believe we get in our own way for several reasons. Some of it might be fear of a successful writing career. Or it might be because we don’t feel we are worthy of success.
But what if you are an obliger, and all you need is some accountability? And if you don’t have that, you may be failing at the gate and having a hard time getting started.
What Is An Obliger?
This word comes from the book by Gretchen Rubin called The Four Tendencies. She writes that there are four different personality categories: upholder, questioner, rebel, and obliger.
If you are an obliger, you meet outer expectations but resits inner expectations. The other four you can read about in her book The Four Tendencies. For this blog, we are going to concentrate on the obliger.
Obligers will put other people’s expectations ahead of their own. For instance, if your child wants to go to the store, but you haven’t written your words yet, chances are you’ll take that child to the store and tend to your writing later.
This is where the problems set in. Once we have taken care of the family, the house, and our day job, there might be little brainpower left for your dream writing career.
Of course, it’s a good thing to be able to take care of others, but obligers will burn themselves out.
I am an obliger, and I always put my family first. And my burnout would come quickly. Then the anger would set in that I had to put them first before my dream writing career.
The Lies We Tell Ourselves
That, of course, was a story I was telling myself. Sure my family appreciated being catered to first. But I didn’t have to do it. I could have said I’m working on my book, and eventually, they would have learned that it was going to happen.
No one can take your dreams away, and no one can do the process for you either.
We fear we may look bad, get people mad at us, or let someone down. But you have let someone down. You.
How To Put Your Dream Writing Career First
To overcome this tendency, you may need accountability. You could ask a family member to keep you accountable. By telling your family that you’re doing this, you’ll want to show them that you follow through. Because if they call you out on it, you’ll feel uncomfortable if you don’t attempt our dream writing career.
You could get an accountability coach that you’ll report to every week. This would be a stranger to you, and you’ll be more apt to follow through, especially if you put skin in the game by paying a fee to be consistent with your writing.
It could come in the form of a Facebook group too. However, it’d be better if that group was small. It’ll be easier to get lost in the shuffle with too many members, so you won’t worry if they don’t see your post.
A Few More
It could even be a mastermind that you start up with three or four other people. I would recommend that you use zoom to meet every week to keep you on track. And it’ll also make it easier for you to get in the habit of writing.
If you have a deadline for a contest, this could also get you into daily writing. If you do a few contests, it could help give you a writing habit that you stick with.
Writing a weekly blog as I do could also help. When I decided to write this blog, it has taken on many forms. But I knew it would exercise my writing muscle. It would also make me accountable to get it out every Thursday. Even if you have no audience, you can act as you do. Don’t let your ego tell you that it won’t matter because no one reads it. That one blog you miss posting could be the one that goes viral and helps others.
By wanting to help others, you’re feeding the obliger tendency in you, and it’ll keep you accountable.
Do It To Help Others
As an obliger, I find that if I put other people first, it helps me to be accountable to my writing. So even if you are writing a fiction romance, it’s to help your reader get lost in your story. It helps them to forget their problems.
If you can frame it in your mind that you are doing a service for someone else, I think it’ll be easier for you to keep showing up.
Your book will also give an editor and cover artists’ jobs. They need you as a writer too. So if that helps to get you on the daily writing habit, use that as an incentive.
Once you have the readers, you’ll feel compelled to keep your writing habit up. People-pleasing is not a fun tendency to have, but we can work it to our advantage and benefit others. There is nothing wrong with that.
And if you need an accountability coach, be sure to fill out the form below, so when I open up to new clients, you are on the waiting list.
How about you? How do you keep yourself accountable in your writing? Drop a comment below, and be sure to like and visit often for other tips and tricks.
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